Additional Trigger Warning: the title of this article may nonetheless be offensive to some users, despite the warning (or because of it).

Disclaimer: there simply is no way to avoid offense because the trigger warning itself is offensive. Any time a person is warned of potential triggers, the assumption is that the person being warned is somehow easily offended and weaker than the superior person who is giving the warning. Mentioning this obvious fact may itself be a trigger. In extreme cases, or perhaps even in regular cases, adverse reactions may ensue. Any talk at all of triggers may be triggering.

Mansplaining Alert: The above disclaimer has been overly described by a white male guest author at this website who is not aware that most people already know the above (or simply will never be able to understand and learn it). The views of this gentleman may not actually reflect him or others being smart or not being smart, but he thinks he’s smart. It is not the intention of the writer to imply that the readers are not smart (or at least there is plausible deniability).

This article is from the parody section, as if you can’t tell.

Fairness Doctrine Notice: prior to publishing this article, we requested a black female reader who wished to inject the following alternative view. “Oh come on. You think that dumb trigger warning is really needed? This website is stupid and I’m blocking it from my browser.”

Fairness Disclaimer: there is no actual rule to require fairness, and fairness may not actually be achieved. Specified demographic viewpoints may not pertain to all members of the demographic. But we tried.

ARTICLE CONTENTS — without further ado, here are the contents of this article:

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs as a pig fell in the mud. This is a breaking story. Stay tuned here for updates after the next trigger warning.