“We think they might be related to ISIS,” said a Capitol policeman as he watched over the hand-tied protesters. “Here in America we have free speech if you can afford it. But don’t expect to come in from Venezuela or wherever to spy on our country and hold dangerous signs. You should go through the Koch brothers, or someone legitimate.”

This article is from the parody section, as if you can’t tell.

The liberal network, NBC, grossly exaggerated the disturbance for ratings purposes. They released a video under the headline, “WATCH: Dozens of protesters arrested during #DemocracySpring protest.” Capitol Police reminded us, “There was only one or two arrested, or three or four, but who’s counting? They had ties to al qaeda so we tied them up. It only takes one to scare us into total submission. The overtime’s good too.” We watched the NBC video on the latest equipment.

Here’s how CNN put it:

As the CNN video clearly shows, the meddlers in government were soundly shouted down by good Americans chanting together, “USA! USA! USA! USA!” Many in the crowd had their hands on their hearts. It was an emotional moment, worthy of our founding fathers in Heaven.

“We knew what to do any time there’s someone saying something we don’t like,” said Teddy Nugent. “Except that one guy screwing up the letters. He was shouting ‘SAU’. But I had my duck tape on me, so I took care of that.”

Arrests are on hold because the Capitol building ran out of holding cells for the foreign interlopers. It turned out that the entire building was already full of criminals including about 435 kingpins (and queenpins). A reporter watched as a helicopter landed. Another reporter is waiting for them on the other side, in Guantanamo Bay.