UPDATE: Rubio drops out. The strategy to win his home state and slow down the Trump Train has ended in a terrible crash. The future for Marco Rubio holds a symbolic title in corporate America. Or maybe he will get a pundit job on ABC radio or Fox News. Thanks to Republican affirmative action, his future looks bright.
Presidential candidate and fluky Florida Senator Marco Rubio has lost his home state to a New Yorker. Although Marco Rubio was a Florida lame-duck, he had big plans to bring Jeb Bush policies back to the White House and turn back the clock to the glory days of change. But not enough Florida folks longed for torture, wars, and NSA crackdowns.
LATEST RESULTS — with over 70 percent reporting
Donald Trump – 43.3 percent
Marco Rubio – 27.7 percent
Ted Cruz – 16.4 percent
HOW RUBIO CAME TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT
The year was 2010 and Marco Rubio was flying high. Tea Party darling Marco Rubio decided to run for the Florida Senate. He was running against the Republican governor Charlie Crist in the primary. Marco Rubio was the favorite. Crist took the Republican money and ran — as an independent. Marco Rubio was practically handed the nomination.
When the primary came, Republicans picked Marco Rubio and Democrats picked Kendrick Meek. But powerful Democrats had something else in mind. The New York Times reported that Bill Clinton tried to get Meek to drop out so that the Democratic vote would not be divided between an actual primary-winning Democrat and the turncoat Republican Charlie Crist — sort of like they had done in Connecticut with Joe Lieberman in 2006.
In the middle of all this, Marco Rubio snuck into the Senate with 48.9 percent of the vote in a three-way race. That same race, half the “blue dogs” in the House lost bids for re-election — once again, showing Democrats that their base doesn’t don’t want conservatives, Republican turncoats, or anyone named Lieberman. Today, Democratic leaders are supporting “third way” Hillary Clinton for president. As per an earlier report, this has partisan outfits in a panic, censoring user views. But that is a-whole-nother story.
So, with his stellar record, first-term non-majority winner Marco Rubio decided that he was qualified to run for president. Just as surely as his mentor’s brother received a mandate for being appointed to the White House, Marco Rubio was entitled now. Armed with the classic “Bush agenda” slogan “New American Century,” Marco Rubio gained powerful insider backers — as has been typical of the new “Tea Party” rebranded flavor of the GOP party. As Donald Trump became a threat to the insiders, endorsements for Marco Rubio piled-up — including one from the prized fruit of the 1996 Republican race, Bob Dole.
But first, he needed one last accomplishment to bring home to Florida. He topped the list — or bottomed it if you prefer — of those who missed the most Senate votes. Now, he was truly ready to run.
MARCO RUBIO’S PRESIDENTIAL RUN
During his run for president, Marco Rubio won a state. Things were looking really good until today, when insurgent independent Republican businessman Donald Trump defeated Marco Rubio in his home state of Florida. So Marco Rubio called Al Gore, who had previous experience in home-state-loss. Al Gore apologized to Marco Rubio and told him not to worry. Marco Rubio told Al Gore that global warming was not real and he did not invent the internet, then slammed the phone on Al Gore’s face. NSA provided Newscast Now with this summary.
Six-year-ago minority-winning single-state Senator Marco Rubio accused four-year-ago majority-winning 50-state president Barrack Obama of being a “lame duck,” ineligible to perform his Constitutional duty and select a Supreme Court Justice to replace the suddenly-departed Antonin Scalia.
Marco Rubio plans to continue blocking any nomination from his lame duck status because he has nothing to lose, no election to worry about, and he never actually did his job of voting in the Senate anyway. Such is convenience.
UPDATE: Iowa Declares War On Minnesota for Supporting Marco Rubio