Former ‘president’ George W. Bush made a speech yesterday choosing a candidate for the Republican nomination in the 2016 election. Prior White House occupants have a history of staying out of political endorsements, but current circumstances are unprecedented, as George W. Bush explained in his speech:

Thank you all. Seven years have passed since the White House was taken from my hand. Today, we face terrorist threats and greater dangers. As 300 Americans sleep comfortably in the soil of a friend, many cannot put food on their family. When I abandoned free market principles to save the free market system, I asked myself, ‘Are, is my people learning?’ But under Barack Obama, we’ve seen one subliminabubble after another pop. He has no disregard for human life. He never made sure that there was certainty during uncertain times in our economy.

This article is from the parody section, as if you can’t tell.

When I was in there, I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right there in the Oval Office. As my brother Jeb Bush said, I kept America safe both before 9-11 and after.

I’ve been long gone and still some smart person never figures out what happened inside the Oval Office. I miss wearing pampers. All across our country there’s a lot of prayer. Prayer for those whose lives have been turned upside down. And I’m one of them.

But now is the time to forget that and recall that there’s an old saying in Tennessee. I know it’s Texas, probably in Tennessee too. Fool me once, shame on, shame on you. If fool me, you can’t get fooled again.

I’ve got a lot of relations with candidates in our primary. A lot of times in politics you have people look you in the eye and tell you what’s not on their mind.

This is why I am taking an extraordinary and unpresidential step of speaking about the primaries currently taking place. I’m the decider, and I decide what is best. And what’s best is for Donald Trump to become the next president.

There’s no question this is a major human disaster that requires a strong response from the Republican primary voters, which is what they’re providing, but it also responds a compassionate response from people to whom — that have got the blessings, good blessings of life, and that’s Trump.

They misunderestimated me. And they misunderestimated Donald Trump. Thank you again and Trump bless America.

George W. Bush has chosen to place his extensive mouth behind Donald Trump, even as his extensive machine rushes to back Donald Trump rival Ted Cruz.

We reached out to Republican strategist Karl Rove. He told us, “Junior’s brothers Jeb and Neil had it all wrong. They backed Ted Cruz. Junior really is the smartest one in the family. This move should finally have the desired effect. I can smell the bacon already.”