Because of the rash from inadequate doctors affecting or killing people during simple procedures, NewscastNow.com has put together this public service list. Review this list of 10 tips every time you are about to go in for medical surgery.

1. Be ill. Hypochondriacs are at a higher risk of unnecessary operations. “Currently, the government is sponsoring a perpetual study to support our declared facts,” says Leonard Spilkey, Chief Operator and founder of Spilkey’s Facts. “After this round government funding is depleted, another will begin. The results will available on our website for a filing fee.”

2. Know your doctor. Don’t make the same mistake Linda Pernell made. “My wife loved her visits to the gynecologist,” explains Walter Pernell. “When we moved out here she found a doctor that didn’t turn out to be a gynecologist. He just stuck it to her.”

3. Get a second opinion. Sometimes your wife or your mother-in-law can help you decide.

This article is from the parody section, as if you can’t tell.

4. Be sure your insurance will cover the complete operation. Doctors are like every other business. They will work right up to the minute the money runs out. No one wants their surgery to end prematurely.

5. Make your doctor comfortable with you. “There are ways to gain more loyalty from your doctor,” says Dr. Barberger. “Invite him to your home. If he likes chocolate, send him chocolate. If he is an alcoholic, send him a bottle of scotch and a guitar. He will relax more if he believes you are buddies.”

6. Spot red flags. Look at your doctor’s Facebook page. If your doctor isn’t on Facebook, be suspicious. You can always tell a doctor is good by how many likes he has.

7. Consider performing the operation yourself. Instructional videos of any procedure can be found on YouTube.

8.. Have someone else volunteer to get the operation before you. You can reduce your anxiety with the knowledge that your child or spouse pulled through.

9. Ask your doctor where he harvests his organ supplies. Be sure they are domestic. For example, European parts function counterclockwise. Always check the expiration date.

10. Make arrangements with an undertaker BEFORE the operation. There is nothing worse than an unsuccessful operation except an unsuccessful burial afterwards.