Borrowing the melody of a Dunkin’ Donuts jingle, consumers are singing “Coca-Colon, it’s worth the dip,” and dashing to Trader Joe’s to purchase and try this hot new healthy product. The Coca-Cola Company is flowing smoothly toward a healthy image after recent bad press. A few months ago, the company was caught paying for science to deflect causes of obesity away from its soft drink. The company was also found responsible for killing a young mother of eight.
This article is from the parody section, as if you can’t tell.
With this new enema product, it looks like everything is going to come out all right. Coca-Colon will continue to cleanse Coke of its unhealthy image, adding to good news from December where a scientific study showed that drinking Coca-Cola actually extends life.
HEALTH BENEFITS
Dangerous bacteria, toxic chemicals and undigested corn can build up in the colon, triggering harm to health. Enemas flush these undesirable items out, and keep the body working well.
Coca-Colon comes with an extra diagnostic tool. Go to your lab, sit on the stool, and study the results. The color of the discarded material should be fairly even — just about the same shade of brown as the enema liquid. If it is not, consult a doctor immediately.
TRADE DISPUTES ARISE
Dunkin’ Donuts is claiming a theft of trademark for the tune of its jingle, but the ideological dispute probes much deeper. “We keep our eyes upon the doughnut. Coke keeps their eyes upon the hole.” Forecasters are not seeing a settlement any time soon.