Late yesterday, as the McDonald’s on the south side of Chicago was about to close, a group of about 150 militant “Fight for 15” protesters invaded the symbol of America and took over the McDonald’s, demanding that McDonald’s and other fast food establishments increase wages for workers.

Police were called and a stand-off began. Protesters dug-in, armed with dangerous mouths. To match this deadly force, several SWAT teams surrounded the building with fully automatic weapons. The officers feared for their lives and salivated for Big Macs.

This article is from the parody section, as if you can’t tell.

“It was like double torture,” exclaimed one officer. “At any minute those protesters could rapid fire those mouths, but I was also desperate for another burger.” The reporter on the scene was then told to stand back. A free press zone was prepared in Cleveland.

As the night went on, citizens became concerned about the possibility that morning Egg McMuffins would not be served. “I can’t have my breakfast held hostage like this,” declared one cholesterol-deprived onlooker. The police needed to act fast.

Then a spark ignited. One frightened protester started to unload his concealed weapon down his pants releasing a liquid chemical substance on the floor. Officers reluctantly fired. One policeman threw a Super Flash Bang into the building and the grease caught fire.

Police retreated to watch the remaining protesters escape the ruins. The trespassers were then forced to the ground and arrested. 17 were announced dead at the scene. Scores are in critical condition.

Onlookers cheered as breakfast was rescued. “They had it coming,” volunteered Cliven Bundy in a phone call broadcast on CNN. “These people are not Americans. Real Americans work for a living, poaching and burning federal lands. Real Americans oppose BLM.” It was not clear from the CNN report whether Bundy meant Bureau of Land Management or Black Lives Matter.

In response, the attorneys for Dwight and Steven Hammond released a statement. “We disagree with Bundy. Our clients have directed us to disregard any causes and save their own asses first.”

Credits: featured picture.