Pretty soon, Democrats are going to take the White House. We could have a liberal Supreme Court. Our worst fears are about to come true.
Court cases in the pipeline.
Spain v. United States
With the Spanish economy is perpetual collapse for the past 400 years, Spain has filed a lawsuit to gain Florida back — including the prized coastline of “West Florida.” A liberal 5-4 Supreme Court, especially with a “latina” person on it, will be sure to return the land to its prior owner. This will be the first outrageous giveaway of free stuff to foreigners, and it will set a precedent.
This article is from the parody section, as if you can’t tell.
After seeing what happens to Florida, Texas secedes. Predicting the future, the governor of Texas says, “No way are those crazy liberals sending us back to Mexico.” No Court action is needed for Texas to secede, so off it goes — back to independence. The lone star republic rises again.
The Crown and City of London v. United States
As it turns out, the land closest to the east coast that was occupied by Europeans was created under the auspices of The Crown. King George III never officially approved of the Declaration of Independence, and even fought a war to maintain the rights of The Crown. In a mixed decision, four of the Supreme Court Justices decide to give all of the land back. Fortunately, there is one “moderate” on the Court — the man who supported the Bush-era Guantanamo Bay torture regime — Merrick Garland. New Justice Merrick Garland says that the United Kingdom can have the land back only to the extent that its people actually occupied, but not the claims of wilderness to the midwest, or to the northwest either. Ohio, Michigan and much of the Midwest is spared for now.
The liberals on the Supreme Court would be willing to entertain a claim that the Louisiana Purchase was made under duress of war — Napolean needed the money to attack his neighbors. But, as France winds up being even more liberal than the US Supreme Court, the claim simply never comes. Besides, they are too busy taking really long afternoon breaks and eating their Freedom Fries.
Russian Federation v. United States of America
Shirley, there will be a case where Russia sues for Alaska back, Sarah Palin is an unwitting witness for Russia. When Sarah Palin was looking over from Alaska and seeing Russia, Russia was looking back and saying it wants Alaska back.
Besides, the US government lost the receipt. Where it was stored under glass, there was just a blank piece of paper. Hewlett Packard testifies, “We don’t mean to make disappearing ink on our receipt rolls. It’s purely an accident.” A contract claim cannot be enforced without evidence. The great Russian empire expands again.
United States v. Lakota Nation
The Lakota Nation declared its independence from the United States. The Muslim from Kenya failed to call the troops in to kill all the injuns. Instead, they used Sissydue Process to write papers and sue the Lakotas. The case is heading to the Supreme Court. In a liberal court, the bleeding hearts will give back the land to the Lakotas, leaving a big hole in the United States. It will be a 5-4 decision.
That will bring us to 2018.
With so many Indian nations on the continent, more claims will come. The final map will be even more shocking than this one. As the Lakota case goes, so goes the rest of the nation. Prepare to be scalped.
Placing the Zodiac Killer into office would be less destructive than allowing a liberal Supreme Court, legal experts advise.